Raising children is such a wonderful experience for a parent. Being witness to another human being learning about the world and knowing you play a crucial part in it is truly rewarding. Every age and stage is different, and each brings its own share of discoveries to our children. At the same time, the complexities of this world also bring many challenges, some of which children are not prepared to take on independently. In such instances, they need the support of trusted adults.

If you have a pre-teen or teen child, I am sure you all have experienced days when they are distressed, silent, mad, withdrawn, or even outraged. They may go up to their bedroom and close the door.

You want to respect their privacy, yet at the same time, you want to know how you can help them in this vulnerable state. You think: Do I wait until they come to talk? If they do, what questions should be asked?

This is a vulnerable and difficult moment for all adults; navigating what is best for your child and knowing it is your responsibility to guide them through these strong emotions and difficult moments.

Below are tips on how to support your child when they are in this state: 

• Use open-ended questions and non-judgmental language to communicate your support.

• Demonstrate your openness and care by using supportive words as you listen to your child’s concerns or struggles. Vulnerable children will often be concerned and hesitant to disclose their thoughts and feelings to adults for fear that they will be judged, or that their experience will be too hard to handle or too shocking.

• Give your full attention to your child. Keep your body language open and encouraging. Be compassionate, be understanding, and reassure them that their feelings and perspectives are important. Phrases such as “You’ve shown such courage today” can help show them that you see them in that moment.

• Respect pauses and don’t interrupt your child – let them go at their own pace. Recognise and respond to their body language. And remember that it may take several conversations for them to share what’s happened to them.

• Make it clear you’re interested in what they are telling you. Reflect back what they’ve said to check your understanding – repeating some key phrases or summarizing what they've said, for example.

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At AAS, we take the safeguarding of our community seriously, and know that we all play a part in keeping everyone safe. Educators are trained each year to identify signs that a child is at-risk or struggling, and how to listen and respond when children share. 

Ms. Anderson, our Elementary School Counselor, and I are the deputy safeguarding leads at AAS, continuing this year the ongoing work of developing guidelines and solidifying practices for a safe environment. One of our most recent initiatives is “Wolves Watch,” which is a confidential form our students can use to self-identify or report a classmate at-risk, in order to help reduce barriers for our students in vulnerable states.

A crucial part of our work is educating our community. If you want to know more and get more tools in your parent toolbox, join Ms. Anderson and I for a parent coffee Friday, January 23rd, on the topic of safeguarding and how to support your child(ren) at home. 

Resources: 

• Active listening with pre-teens and teenagers
• ReachOut Parents
• Books: 
  • Aware Parenting books
  • How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk
  • How to talk so little kids will listen: A survival guide to life with children ages 2-7
  • How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk